Looking for a job now

On April 09, 2008, I was taken into a conference room at work, and told that the company is restructuring, and that my position was not in the new structure. So I was escorted back to my desk, and hovered over while I packed my belongings. It was an embarrassing event. I was not allowed to talk with others regarding this, yet everyone was around my desk. And then, I was walked out the door and left my life at Cisco Learning Institute (CLI).

To say that I am not hurt, would be a lie. I am feeling a little betrayed and hurt by this. I understand that organizations often have to restructure, and I was caught up in this now. But for me it goes a little deeper. I was told, even a week ago, that I was an integral part of this organization. I was a leader, a visionary, and one who was helping make CLI a better place. This the week prior to my release. I am still in the dark as to why this restructure now took me. Did I say something wrong? Did I upset someone? Did someone not like my work, or productivity? I do not know. All they would tell me is the whole restructuring blather. I had been dedicated to this company. I came in every morning at 5 am. Left at 3pm, maybe later, alot of the time not until 4:30 pm or later. I was instrumental in designing and creating applications that are currently in use. I was part of the force that made CLI better, and I know this because I was told this multiple times by everyone, including the Executive Director. Now I am left wondering what had changed in one week’s time.

And here I am, on the outside looking in. I am part of the unemployment numbers that plague this country. With the economy getting worse, unemployment is going to continue. I would also be lying if I said I was not scared. I am. I am very worried how I am going to provide for my family and pay my bills. I have my resume out right now to a few headhunter companies. And I am hoping I am not out of work for long. I need a job. I am one of the millions who are saying this now.

As I sit here thinking of all the possible reasons, I am failing to come up with a good, solid reason why I was released because of “restructuring”. CLI had a couple of huge projects coming up that they needed developers for. They seem to be hiring left and right at this point. Why me? This whole restructuring affected 13 people at CLI, and I know I am being selfish here. But it hurts to be told so many times that I am an integral part of the team, and then just tossed off to the side like yesterday’s jam.